How we're doing...

We're doing OK. We're going one day at a time. I (Betsy) spent a lot of the first week after Noah's death resting physically, catching up on sleep, crying, journaling, and reconnecting with Ethan. Eric was home most of that week, managing many of the functional details, going on walks with me and spending time with Ethan. My Mom returned to Ohio this past Sunday, after having been here for three weeks. She was such a blessing! She loved me by just being present--being willing to go at my pace (slow though it was), caring for Ethan so that I could prioritize taking care of myself, and running our household.

We are easing back into our normal routine, getting out of the house and together with friends. Eric and I are seeking to support what the other needs to move through the grieving process in a healthy way. We are grateful for the many friends who've offered to babysit so that we can get regular time together to talk or just have fun. We have been extra-ordinarily well cared for by friends near and far. Thank you for providing meals for our family during the past month, sending us notes of encouragement, gifts and flowers, calling, and praying for us. We appreciate people's willingness to move towards us despite the unknown, and potential awkwardness, of not knowing what to say. Thank you for giving us the freedom to not return phone calls and emails or say, "I'm not up for talking today."

In the past, I have looked at others in similar circumstances and wondered how they could see any goodness in God. Now we find ourselves in those circumstances, and we genuinely have things that we're thankful for. Despite not fully understanding why God allowed these circumstances, and being saddened that Noah is not here with us, we have known God to be faithful to us and we trust His goodness. He has allowed us glimpses into how Noah's death is bringing life to others and for this we are grateful. We know that many of you are grieving along with us...we hope that if Noah's death has caused you to wrestle with God, that you will continue in that struggle and seek us or others as you try to understand. We have found comfort in knowing that God understands the grief of losing a son, having given Jesus as a sacrifice.

Our ongoing prayers:

• wisdom about how to make a space for Noah in our home that allows Ethan to know his brother as he gets older
• unity in our marriage, energy to support each other even while we are grieving ourselves
• that we would regularly connect with God
• that we wouldn't harden our hearts to moving through our own grief despite the effort and pain
• that God would fill our emptiness in His way and time
• energy (emotional and physical) to get through each day

Ethan continues to be a source of great delight. He recognizes Noah in pictures and loves to kiss and hug his bear that was a gift "from" Noah. He also makes references to Noah as if he were still with us. For example, he recently called out "Noah" during a round of horsey with Daddy. (Daddy's version of horsey involves bouncing on his knees as Ethan calls out the names of different people and Daddy varies the bouncing pattern to match that person's personality. Grandpa slow and relaxed, cousin Owen fast and high!)

Ethan continues to be a verbal kid---"late walker, early talker" is definately true for him! He will attempt to say most anything we ask him to. He loves to read and we now make weekly trips to the library. Despite this quiet side, he is also quite active. Spring has been met by a little boy in "walking" shoes as he calls them (shoes with a hard sole; all of this other shoes are really glorified leather slippers). He loves playing in the yard with his bucket and shovel, pushing Daddy's childhood cars and trucks around (Rich and Sara, thanks for holding onto them all these years!), chasing bubbles, and watering Mommy's flowers with his sprinkling can. He recently mastered climbing up the steps to the two-foot high slide he was given by Aunt Sara and asks to use it every day (or to go to the park).

Eric has been busily at work in the yard--thinning the strawberries, trimming trees, adding nutrients to the garden soil, and rotatilling. We received an ornamental pear tree as a memorial gift for Noah, and he is creating a space where I can make a garden of all of the perennial flowers we received. We continue to treasure the ways that God has revealed Noah's death leading to new life, this new garden being one of the reminders.